Lately I’ve been pretty unsure about many things. I’m not sure about the day or the time. I might be doing this to myself on purpose but sub-consciously, sabotaging my sense of time. Why? I think I’m afraid of finding a job, a new purpose, when I’m still weighed down by the guilt of my perceived failures.

It’s kind of like failed new years resolutions. Guilt is crushing, and too often I take the easy way out and use videogames like an opiate to fast forward myself through time, so I don’t have to think till I’m too tired to think.

I don’t want to mull over things. About my dad’s health, my parents’ tenuous relationship, whether my friends are my friends, my own health, my family’s future. It’s very painful and exhausting. I don’t know a good solution to worry.

I need help.