Hello again! I have some news – I bought a skirt and tried it on.
It was my 2nd time in that thrift store, but a denim skirt caught my eye. It was cheap ($2??) and it was a safe bet (it’d look inconspicuous in my drawers as a pair of jean shorts and even then I could wave people off with a vague promise of upcycling), but most importantly, I decided that I didn’t want to just keep wondering. I wanted to find out how it would feel.
And it feels…tangibly different. Obviously your thighs are in contact a lot more, and as a person with a penis, it does stick out a little awkwardly without tucking. The skirt itself is nothing to shout about – it’s ill fitting on me. My ass looks flat in it (I guess I need to work out more), and I have no idea how to style any of it, let alone strut and pose in ways that accentuate the outfit. I mean, I’ve always had to google outfit styles and colours that work together but this is completely new. I seriously don’t know what in my wardrobe goes with denim skirts.
Beyond any eroticism, what’s so tantalizing about it is that it’s a real step I took to find out my own identity. I’m stepping past my insecurities. I don’t want my story to be about how much I hated the way I looked, or looking to other people for validation. I want to look good, feel good and be proud of myself.
From my aviator frames to dyeing my hair and now thrifting, I’m so happy I can express my self with pops of colour or in bold colour palettes, something that I’ve been nervous about for a long time, but as they say, the best time is now.
I did feel sad as I took it off, almost as if I was taking off a persona with the outfit. That felt wrong, disingenuous, dissociative. I didn’t want to do that. I want to be me all of the time, all different kinds of me. I guess this really answers the question about playing female protagonists. If I ever did, I’m no longer playing as them just to ogle. I see myself in them. I am female and male, even if I don’t know what it means to live as a woman. I guess it’s time to find out.